Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
