Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
