I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
