Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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