I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize