Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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