your parents love me but you hate me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
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