he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
