Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
