i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
