Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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