U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
