Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
