Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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