It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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