I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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