WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
