Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize