You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
