Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
this is an emotional support booty call
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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