She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
