paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
where am i from again
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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