if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
