He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
