I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
