We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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