What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
