Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
