And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
