Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
