Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
