yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I understand Curling. That high.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
