I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
