Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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