pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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