I just pynch a tree in the face
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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