put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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