I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
