Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
