I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sex in the backyard? Check.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
