Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
