i think my tv is drunk
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
