i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
