You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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