how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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