What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need to sanitize my soul.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
