she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
