guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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