Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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