i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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