I got her a Nickelback box set.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
