He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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