fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Text me some of your sweat
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
