I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize