you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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