Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
