I am puke
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
