I look better un-naked...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
