Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
