I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
