apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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