whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just pee around me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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