So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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