he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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