if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
