You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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