even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
