no, he came in my armpit
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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