you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
