Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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