I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
