Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
