Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
