no. you can't hotbox the world.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
