which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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