Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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