i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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