ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ugly people sure do ruin things
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
