party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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