Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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