He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
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I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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